


shitty joke, but at least i laughed

by thiccgirlsmakemesob



Series: i am projecting onto a certain youtuber :/ [1]
Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Attempt at Humor, Author is trans, Fluff, Gen, Genderfluid Eret (Video Blogging RPF), Hurt/Comfort, I'm Bad At Tagging, Lesbian TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Mental Breakdown, Misunderstandings, Panic Attacks, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Swearing, TommyInnit Angst (Video Blogging RPF), TommyInnit Has ADHD (Video Blogging RPF), Touch-Starved TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Trans Female Character, Trans TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), to lazy to type out others, tommy cries :(
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-10
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-16 14:09:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,177
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29951145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thiccgirlsmakemesob/pseuds/thiccgirlsmakemesob
Summary: Tommy hates that he wants to be a lesbian and that stupid bit wasn't just that, a bit !orthe one where a stupid joke makes Tommy question everything(i suck at summaries sorry, this is honestly just me projecting lolz)
Relationships: TommyInnit & Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Wilbur Soot & TommyInnit, Wilbur Soot & TommyInnit & Phil Watson
Series: i am projecting onto a certain youtuber :/ [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2202831
Comments: 40
Kudos: 588





	1. Self discovery sucks, specially if you already hate yourself

**Author's Note:**

> chapter ends with a real bad panic attack and there is lots of swearing, but like yeah! i'm not the best author so sorry but hope ou enjoy :]

It was supposed to be a joke. A silly little joke that would leave his mind the second the bit ended, but no. Here Tommy was sat staring at his stupid computer contemplating why being called a lesbian felt so fucking good. 

Tommy couldn’t be one! He was a man! A man that, although loved women a whole lot, was still a Man! It was impossible for him to be a lesbian. Which was fine. He was fine with that, he promised himself, because not being a straight man was a very scary thought, one Tommy was fine leaving be.

-

Alright, maybe Tommy couldn’t just leave this be, but that was fine because it was just curiosity, just a simple itch that needed to be scratched, Tommy would look at pretty girls and NOT think about how much he wished he looked as soft and pretty as them, and would instead think about being their boyfriends and kissing them, but like a man and woman kissing not him being a girl and kissing another girl. 

(If he ignored that annoying warm feeling that filled his chest at the thought of being another girl's girlfriend, Tommy would deny even having the thought.)

Maybe he shouldn’t be doing this. Was this creepy? Just staring at images of girls and wishing to be like them. Probably. None of Tommy’s friends talked or even so much as hinted at wishing to be more like the gender they weren’t. 

Maybe it was just him. Once again pushed to the sidelines to be the freak of nature, dumb little brother. Everyone saw Tommy as a boy and him staring at a couple of pictures wouldn’t change that.

Well, they are all accepting of Eret. She isn’t just a boy, she’s whatever she wants to be. They can be pretty and soft or jagged and crude, and aren’t judged.

But, that's Eret. Who wouldn’t do that for Eret, she was like mega awesome, one of the coolest sometimes a woman Tommy knew. 

Why is this even a conversation? Tommy couldn’t be, won’t, can’t, never will be a girl or a lesbian, and even if it left a gross icky feeling in his tummy and chest Tommy would ignore it, because he was content as a man. 

(Tommy was scared to say he hated being a man)

-

Here he was again. A fucking idiot staring at his search bar, trying to find why he felt so fucking gross and ugly and not pretty everytime he looked in the mirror. Tommy hated it and wanted it to stop immediately, it had to stop because he wasn’t anything but a boy

why do i feel gross looking in the mirror  
i want to look like a girl  
what does it mean that i want to be a girl  
being a boy feels wrong

Fuck.

Maybe Tommy was a boy. The icky feeling somewhat lessened at the confession, but dread filled him up fast. 

Nevermind, he would forget this. Tommy would stay Tommy, because being anything but Tommy was terrifying.

-

Tommy - that name feels a lot grosser and yucky than before - , was once again in front of his (her?) computer. With a stupidly loud groan he searched for that site that would let him try new pronouns. Pronoun closet or whatever, it didn’t matter he would only be here once, figure out he was wrong and go back to being a boy.

He input the feminine pronouns and his name and hated how happy he felt reading the sentences.  
Tommy is a great friend of mine! She helps with my homework a lot.  
I wonder what Tommy uses for her hair, she’s really talented.  
Oh! I need to give Tommy her book back, she’s going to english next!

He scowled, forcefully pushing down those stupid tears and warm clammy feeling in his throat. Tommy closed his eyes and heaved a sigh before staring at the screen for way too long.

Maybe he- she, yeah she, maybe Tommy could accept being a girl. 

For once after leaving these stupid ‘trying to figure out who I really am’ sessions she went to bed feeling a lot better than she had felt in a while.

-

Ok! This was FINE! She was fine. A new name wasn’t that big of a deal. Just, a new thing to be called. Fuck, how did people do this?? She had spent the past two weeks searching for a good name, checking and rechecking the same stupid lists every few hours just to see the same dumb names she saw last time, before finally deciding to just pick one out that like came to her or whatever.

Elizabeth, like the queen? No, no, no, that name didn’t feel right.

Jessica??? Oh, ew, nevermind.

Diana! That could work. . . DianaInnit? Scratch that.

.

..

… Clementine.

That was a pretty name, one she knew she adored already. It felt nice. Clementine. ClementineInnit. 

She was Clementine. 

-

Nevermind, she takes it back. This sucks, because now that she has a wonderful name that she adores and loves, no one uses it. Which, alright, is her fault but she couldn’t just drop a bomb on her friends, “Hey I’m a girl and my name is Clementine and I’m a lesbian now pog, uhm bye”, she didn’t want them to be like, mad at her for being , well, a her.

Once again, she knows is dumb, Techno loves lesbians, said so himself, Wilbur has whole comps dedicated to him speaking out on trans rights, and Phil probably wouldn’t be chill with them if he himself wasn’t also super accepting, but! Still, maybe they wouldn’t want Clementine, they would probably only want Tommy, which even that was a stretch, because no one wanted Tommy. Fuck, Tommy didn’t want Tommy, which is how she got into this whole fucking mess. 

Whatever, she’ll just focus on the call and ignore the stupid feeling of like she was dying inside everytime her psuedo-family called her Tommy or big man or their little brother, all dumb jokes she stupidly made to squash the used to be repressed feelings of needing to be seen as a man 1000% of the time to hide she desperately didn’t want to be a man.

“Toms, you alright? You got all quiet,” Phil said suddenly, snapping Clementine out of her train of thoughts, fuck, she forgot she was in a call.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m a’right, old man!” She snarked back, trying to ignore every single emotion she felt upon hearing the name Toms.  
Phil rolled his eyes, or well she assumed he did, Phil did that alot, but she wasn’t looking at him. “Whatever you say, big man.”

Her phone pinged, a private message from Wilbur and Phil, both asking if she was actually ok. Clementine hated how fucking nice they are, stupid dumb stupidly nice Wilbur and Phil. She shot a message back, telling them she was fine, because she was. Perfectly fine. Just, ignore that suffocating feeling in her chest.

Clementine went quiet again, not able to keep up with the conversation, just fiddling with pens and whatever she could get her hands on, bored with everything but scared to move and worry her friends again. Once she heard Phil and Wilbur end their streams she perked up. This was her chance ! She could be called Clementine by her friends!

“You guys ended your streams, yeah?” She asked quickly, scared they would leave while she was quiet.

“Yeah, Toms, weren't you listening, you little gremlin?” Wilbur shot at her teasingly with a small smile on his face. 

“O-of course I was ! I’m always listening, just needed to make sure,” she huffed. 

“So, do you wanna talk some, Tommy? You were quiet today,” Phil, oh sweet Phil with his dad aura and too kind eyes, and FUCK this was hard.

“U-Uh, yes! Actually! I have something important to say,” 

“Weeell? Spit it out child.”

“Shut up, Wilbur!”

“Tommy take your time.”

Ok, deep breathe, she could do this. Clementine was no coward. “Ok, ok, uhm, can you guys like, uh…. callmeClementinebecauseimagirlandthatsmyname.”

“Woah, woah, woah, slow down Toms I couldn’ catch that,' ' Phil said way too easily, like Clem wasn’t pouring her heart out. Another sigh,

“Alright, could you guys, like use she/her pronouns for me and like call me Clementine, but like only in private not on stream or anything, or whatever, yeah.” 

Nothing. No one said anything. She looked up and saw them both there, they didn’t leave and she didn’t leave, but they weren’t saying anything. Why weren’t they saying anything? Did they hate her? Oh god, oh fuck, she messed up, they hated her now, fuck fuck fuck fuck.  
“N-n-nevermind, you guys don’t have to like do that or anything just uhm, please don’t tell a-anyone, fuck sorry. You can block me. I won’t be mad or anything. I’ll get going now. Sorry. Yeah, sorry bye.” She couldn’t think. Tears blurred her vision but she managed to leave the call.

Clementine messed it all up, fuck two of the people she fucking idolized hated her now because she couldn’t just be Tommy. Couldn’t be their little brother or pseudo son or whatever she was to them. 

God she couldn’t breathe, fuck why was her phone making so much noise! The computer was so fucking bright, why did Clementine want to blind herself. Shit shit shit, someone was calling, who was calling why would anyone be calling her Tubbo was asleep, having been forced to by Clem, worried about her friends sleep schedule. Finally, she looked down to see the caller ID.

Wilby is calling….

Her chest was closing in, fuck fuck fuck, it felt like knives were entering her lungs oh god oh god, she can’t breathe. Why was she so fucking hot. Shakily, she pulled off her clothes ignoring how hated the idea of anyone seeing her body, god she could barely see, fuck was she going to die?

Why wouldn’t her fucking phone shut up!! Fuck where was her bed, get in bed, she’ll be safe in bed, bed was safe. Only Clementine existed and she could be however she wanted and right not she just wanted to stop the crushing feeling in her chest.

Clementines head hurt so fucking bad, wait, when did she start crying. Idiot, idiot, idiot, she didn’t deserve to cry, she’s the one that messed everything up. Clementine didn't even realize she was slamming her fists against her head , but it seemed to help her calm the fuck down.

Once she touched her bed she sobbed even more, crawling on and covering herself in her blankets, steadily ignored her phone and how loud it was and she still couldn’t really breathe and her head hurt and just,, ignored everything.

She closed her eyes and hoped to fall asleep.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> clementine tells her mom and wil's coming to visit

Waking up sucked. It always did, but especially after finding out two of the most important people in your life hated you. Well, Clem would probably still have Tubbo, right?

Whatever that didn’t matter, what did matter was that she felt like shit and probably wouldn’t feel better anytime soon. Clementine's head was pounding from both the sobbing and excess force she used when trying to ground herself, her throat and chest ached, arms and legs burned from scratches she hadn’t even realized she had caused. 

At least she heard her mom down stairs. Her mom was nice to her after her meltdowns. Girl time would make Clementine feel infinitely better, even if her mom didn’t know it was girl time.

Slipping on whatever she could find that didn’t feel like sandpaper against her skin, Clementine headed downstairs, praying to just get breakfast and force all thoughts and memories from last night away. 

“Oh! Tommy, dear, good morning. Did you sleep well?” Clem gave a forced smile upon hearing her old name but still answered quickly.

“Hmm, yeah, finished some stuff up last night, so I’m just a bit tired,” Which wasn’t a lie. She did finish some stuff, just ruining her closest friendships with her selfishness.

Her mom hummed and handed Clementine a mug of coffee before turning back to the eggs on the stove. Time moved slowly as Clem sipped her coffee, her limbs felt heavy and she was fucking exhausted. The coffee was too sweet and felt gross against her teeth. Her head still hurt. Fuck, do they even have meds still? Would she have to run to the store? She hoped not.

A plate being set in front of her startled Clem out of her thoughts, she muttered a quick thanks and prodded at the bright yellow eggs on her plate. Her mom stared at her expectantly, like she was waiting for something to happen.

“What? Is there something on my face?” To Clementine’s surprise her mom started laughing.

“No, no, Tommy. Just, why didn’t you tell me Wil was coming over today? You usually never calm down whenever you hang out with him.” Her mom was smiling, completely oblivious to Clementine's internal suffering. “He messaged this morning, asking what time would be best to come over, of course since I’m sure you want your boy time with Wilbur, I told him to come in at 12 seeing as I have to run some errands then. Said he wanted to come over because you didn’t seem like you were feeling well last night,”

Her mom continued to chatter on and on about her plans for the day as Clementine stared at the clock that read 10:23. Wilbur would be here soon, probably to yell at her or something. When it went quiet she turned to her mom that was staring at Clementine again.

Clem hummed a small questioning noise. “I was just asking why you didn’t tell me he was coming over, I would’ve grabbed some snacks and movies.” 

“Oh, uh, I forgot, sorry mum.” The clock read 10:24, time was moving too slow, she just wanted to get scolded and then try to forget about Wilbur and how she fucked up their friendship.

Her mom began talking again, similar to Clementine in the fact that they both hated the silence, filling it up with their voices and loud laughs, but right now Clementine wanted silence. Wanted to just sit and wallow and not be Tommy for a few moments. 

“Hey mum, one of my friends, online, Eret you remember ‘em?” 

“Oh! Yes, a kind boy, yeah? You don’t mention him much but he seems wonderful.”

“They came out recently, said they didn’t like just bein’ a boy. Goes by all pronouns. Like, Eret likes to be called they and she also.” It was quiet and she stared at her mom’s face waiting to see something bad. A glance at the clock, 10:28.

“Hmm, that’s nice, I’m glad he- they felt comfortable enough to tell you.” Her moms stupid face was soft and warm, and Clementine hated it. Why couldn’t mom just be mean and angry and confirm that Clementine was  _ wrong  _ and  _ weird _ , for wanting to be a girl. She glared at her eggs, stupid breakfast she still hadn’t even touched. 

“Why do you bring that up, Tommy?” Clementine decided her mom was amazing. 

“What if I was a girl?” 

Silence again. Just like last night. Shit. Clem just hopes she doesn’t get kicked out.

“Well, I always wanted a daughter, so I suppose that wouldn’t be awful.” 

Oh. Maybe her mom would want  _ Clementine _ . Her throat felt tight again and her eyes watered. She felt a warm hand on her shoulder and looked at her mom, and was met with a dumb smile and stupidly soft eyes. Clem’s mom was saying something but she couldn’t comprehend anything being said. 

Clem doesn’t remember it, but she somehow ended up with her face buried in her mom’s neck, full-on sobbing and babbling about everything that felt wrong, and her mom just held her and rubbed circles into Clementine’s back, mumbling softly to Clem.

“Can you tell me what’s bothering you, sweetheart?” 

Ok, yeah, she could do this. Her mom was fine with Eret, and she already wanted a daughter, so Clementine would be giving her mom what she wanted, meaning her mom would be nice about this. Right?

“Mum, I think I’m a girl. W-well, I know I’m a girl because being a boy feels wrong and being your son feels wrong and being  _ Tommy  _ feels wrong, and I want to be called Clementine and be a girl, and be pretty and wear makeup like you and dresses and skirts and, and, and-” Fuck, she was crying again.

“Oh, baby, that’s fine, you will always be my little one, whether you’re my son or my daughter, I’ll love you no matter what.” Her mom paused, a kiss was pressed to her forehead. “Does this have anything to do with Wilbur saying you didn’t feel well last night?”

Instead of saying anything she just nodded, feeling too tired to really talk. Her headache was back. Fuck.

“Do you want to tell me what happened last night?”

“Uhm, I told Phil and Wilbur that I, uh, was a girl. They didn’t say anything just stared at me like I was a freak. I freaked out and left our call, but, uh, I think they’re mad that I want to be Clementine and don’t wanna be Tommy.” Her mom hummed, running her fingers through Clementine's curly hair.

“I’m sure they aren’t mad at you, but I can stay with you when Wilbur comes, kick him out if he decides to be a dick to you.” Clementine huffed a small laugh and looked at her mom.

“No, it’s fine. Run your errands, I need pain meds anyway, my head hurts. I’ll text if he starts being an ass, so you can come home and fuck him up.” Her mom smiled back at her and chuckled.

“Good, because no one gets to hurt my daughter.” Her mom then stood up to get ready to leave, leaving Clementine frozen trying desperately not to cry.

Clem glanced at the clock once more, 10:47. Wilbur would probably be here after 12, plus she was sure she could handle whatever Wil would say to her, because her mom already promised to protect her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please, i just wanted to imagine having an accepting mom lmao, this is so self-indulgent omg


	3. cryings 4 losers, but i guess its cool to be loser together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> soft wilbur n clem because they deserve it and u deserve it 2

Maybe Clementine should’ve told her mom to stay, because it was becoming increasingly difficult to just sit still and wait for her pseudo-brother to arrive just so he could like yell at her or whatever. Her leg wouldn’t stop moving and she would pick at her nails more but 4 of them were already bleeding, so she decided to do what she had been dreading. 

Checking her phone. Which, yes, kind of dumb because her whole fucking job revolved around the internet, but she didn’t want to see if Wilbur and Phil had been mean or told other people or whatever bad things they could do, bad things she probably deserved.

Over 100 messages from Wilbur, 27 from Phil, a few from Tubbo, and way too many missed calls for her to feel calm. Clementine bee lined right for Tubbo, he was her best friend he would never be mean to her over something like this right? Yeah, he was too sweet to be a massive dick.

12:34 am

_ hey wil said u didnt feel good _

_ wanna call or smth _

12:40 am

_ tommy?  _

_ u alr? _

12:44 am

_ im gonna do the ratinal thing n just asume ur asleep _

_ text when u can :) _

Fuck Tubbo for being such an awesome best friend.

11:47 am

_ hey lol, dw i just got freaked out by smth  _

_ last night :) _

Clementine sighed before checking her missed calls, mainly Wilbur, maid sense he was prone to freaking out, especially if he was mad probably. Only a couple from Phil, which expected, Phil was known for being calm all the fucking time. Clem deleted the voicemails, only wanting to be told off in person, not be scolded or yelled at in some pussy way like through voicemail.

‘ _ Okay, you got this, you aren’t a pussy Clem, just read the messages or like glance at them so the notification goes away and then bam your good. _ ’ That’s right, she could do this, she was a strong woman. A tough woman that could at least check her messages. All she had to do was press it, just press the message box, and then she’d be fine. 

Maybe she should grab a coke to calm her nerves, WIlbur would be here soon probably. 

(No she wasn’t a pussy, fuck off)

Clementine left her phone on the couch, face down sound off, and went to the kitchen, she just needed a coke. That’s it. It wasn’t her running from Wilbur. No, never, she was too fucking strong for that.

She stared out the kitchen window trying to calm the fuck down, it was decent outside, maybe if after Wil leaves she could go grab so snack or something. Do anything to get out of the house.

Then, there was a frantic knock at the door. Fuck her life.

  
  


-

The second Tommy, er Clementine, that was her name right, left the call Wilbur realized how much he and Phil fucked up. Clementine, god he hopes that’s right, already had tears streaming down her face and looked so fucking upset Wilbur was sure nothing could feel worse than seeing his little brot- sister that hurt. 

And he was the one that did it !

“What the fuck just happened?” Ever so eloquent Phil asked, the series of events happened so quickly even Wil was trying to process everything.

“I, I think Tommy, uhm, Clementine came out to us, and we did not react correctly.” The words left Wilbur feeling gross, and he saw the confusion, then understanding, then horror pass through Phil’s face, everything finally catching up to the older man.

“Oh, fuck. He thinks we hate her right? Fuck, what do we do?” Phil asked, and Wilbur desperately wished he had an answer.

“I, I don’t know. She said her name was Clementine right, like the moth she said she wanted? Yeah, Clementine. She’s good at picking out names.” Jesus Wil stop fucking rambling and just text her you idiot.

“Yeah ,” Phil said, sounding very distant.

Wilburs fingers moved quickly, finding Clementine's contact and messaging her, anything he could think of that would make it better, apologies, compliments, reassurances, shitty jokes, whatever he thought would make her respond.

Upon sitting there for fifteen minutes and still receiving no answer he said a quick goodbye to Phil, not one hundred percent sure the older man even heard him, he began calling Clementine. 

Why can’t she fucking pick up? Wilbur was freaking the fuck out, his phone rang and rang before ending and being sent to the voicemail inbox, he didn’t even know how many times he called or how many voicemails he sent, or how many times he messaged her, or refreshed to see if the stupid little checkmark would change from delivered to  _ at least _ read.

He didn’t know how long he was at it, desperately hoping to reach Clementine, he had messaged Tubbo, but Tubbo said that his messages were never read, so in a spur of the moment thing he just messaged Clementine’s mom.

Wilbur wasn’t really thinking clearly, only focused on calming Clementine down because she looked so, so, so  _ hurt _ and he felt horrible, and just asked, 

_ Sorry for messaging so late, but Tommy said it was fine  _

_ for me to head over and hang out with him tomorrow  _

_ and it slipped my mind until now to ask when a good time  _

_ to swing by would be ?? :) _

Wilbur wasn’t expecting a response from the older woman, just hoping to be allowed to get to Clementine as soon as possible. With a few more messages to Clementine he shut off his phone and tried to sleep. 

He didn’t get much.

  
  


-

Wilbur wasn’t sure he slept, he felt heavy and his eyes hurt because after turning off his phone he immediately turned it on to obsessively check all his messages for any news on Clementine and watch fucking comps of the two interacting just so he could feel even a little bit better.

Around two in the morning he got a message from Phil, the elder telling WIl that he also got no response from Clementine, and Wil just responded saying he’ll probably drive to Clementine’s house and grovel and beg for forgiveness. Though he was joking he honestly felt like he had to do that, maybe he’ll pick up pop or something for Clem on his way there.

Phil just told Wilbur to tell the young girl that he felt awful as well. They didn’t talk afterwards, Phil probably going to sleep and Wilbur going back to watching videos filled to the brim with Clementine's loud and contagious laugh.

Around nine in the morning he got a warm text from Clementine’s mom saying that since she was going to run errands around noon he should come then, so he and Tommy could have some boy time.

Wilbur ignored the sinking feeling in his chest at the mention of ‘boy time’ and Clementine’s deadname, and sent a quick text just confirming with her before he shot up.

He doesn’t believe he’s ever gotten ready to leave as quickly as he had, grabbed his wallet not bothering to eat or grab coffee, worried about his little sister. Wilbur drove mindlessly, his head filled with horrible scenarios as he went to the store and bought whatever he thought appropriate. 

Coke, sweets, biscuits, would Clementine like a stuffed animal? Probably not but whatever, better safe than sorry. He grabbed random things he hoped might help, including jewelry and makeup even though he knew nothing about either aspects of fashion. WIlbur didn’t pay attention to how much everything was, paid and then was back on his way to Clementine’s house. 

Fuck maybe he would need coffee, this was a long ass drive.

-

He was there. He needed a plan. What would Wilbur do if she doesn’t accept his apology? Would she just kick him out? Curse and yell until she was blue in the face and then tell him she no longer saw him as a brother.

No, no, if Clementine did do that, it was deserved, but before any pre-conversation panicking he would tell he how fucking sorry he was, tell her Phil felt awful as well, give her the gifts and hope she forgives him. 

Fuck.

“You got this Wilbur, she deserves her anger just apologize.”

He got out of the car and grabbed the plastic bags filled with apology gifts, which he now realized to be an insane amount, and went to stand in front of the door. Wilbur could do this, he needed to do this, Clementine deserved it.

With nerves and anxiety twisting his stomach into knots, he knocked frantically, and hoped he didn’t startle the teen inside.

-

Clementine didn’t know exactly what to expect upon opening the door for Wilbur, but she as hell didn’t expect an exhausted looking Wil with many plastic bags in his hands, seeming like he was gonna faint. She paused and thought briefly of just shutting the door and joling herself in her room, but ultimately decided against it.

Instead, she motioned to the living room with her head, waited for him to enter and sit down before closing the door. It was awkward and tense, and Clem hated that she was the one to do that to their relationship. She picked up her coke, pointed to it and then to Wilbur and when he shook his head, she finally sat down. Wilbur was the one to break the silence.

“Fuck, I’m so sorry for how I reacted last night, it was just like a surprise, but that doesn’t excuse it, I should’ve realized how important it was for you and been better. I just, I’m so so so sorry.” His voice was so full of regret and sincerity that Clementine struggled to hold back tears, she didn’t want to cry again.

“So, you and Phil, you guys don’t hate me?” Shit, even to herself she sounded way too nervous. Wilbur grimaced briefly before shaking his head so hard she wouldn’t be surprised if it flew off.

“God, no, no, no, we could never hate you, we were just surprised and then you just left and we couldn’t reach you and we were just worried about you, because we  _ hurt _ you, and we felt fucking awful.” Wilbur knew he was rambling but Clementine thought he  _ hated _ her, he could never, would never hate her, “I, uhm got you gifts just, cuz I assumed you would be mad and want to make sure you knew I wasn’t like fucking fibbing or anything.”

He thrust the bags towards her and watched carefully as she pulled everything out slowly, as if she was expecting him to just snatch all the gifts away. Clementine started with the food, pulling out her favorite sodas and snacks, those took up the most bags, before turning to the last two. Colorful things filled them, and Clementine almost out right sobbed when she saw the stuffed bear.

What finally broke her was the makeup and jewelry, nail polish and accessories and whatever other ‘girly’ thing Wilbur had grabbed. When Clem looked up, eyes filled with tears and lip quivering, Wilbur immediately began freaking out.

Though he calmed down when she held the bear close to her before slamming into him, crying into his chest, babbling about how she thought Wilbur had hated her for being Clementine and not just staying Tommy, and how she loved everything, and how he was the best brother in the whole fucking world.

And if Wilbur actually started crying upon being called Clementine’s brother, he wouldn’t tell anyone, and he definitely wouldn’t tell anyone how the two sat in the too small chair cuddled together sobbing for far too long.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> come get yalls food , ill probs have the last chapter done tomorrow *cool guy sunglasses emoji* *thumbs up emoji*


	4. found family is my favorite troupe, but not cuz im gay its just cute

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> clementine gets her happy ending because she deserves it ft. quality time with wilby

Checking her phone was a lot less scary knowing that no one hated her, and because Wilbur was sitting on the floor near her sorting through all of the things he had bought.

She skimmed through Wil’s texts, smiling softly at his panicked apologies, read Phils calm messages telling Clementine that he loved her and accepted her and was sorry that he upset her. Fuck she was lucky she was out of tears or she might’ve started crying again.

12:50 pm

_ hey phil, sorry for not responding _

_ im not mad at u or anything, honestly _

_ i thought you were mad at me. _

_ but yeah, i love u 2 :) _

Next she checked Tubbo’s messages. Clementine almost laughed at the horrid spelling in his relief filled texts. 

“Wil, could I call Tubso real quick?” Wilbur just hummed in agreement, still focused on unwrapping all the makeup and inspecting them carefully.

Clem’s phone buzzed and she picked up quickly.

“ _ Tommy! Oh my gosh I was worried, Wilbur was freaking out when he texted me, ‘m glad you're alright! _ ”

Wilburs head snapped up when he heard Tubbo deadname her and stared at Clementine as she laughed at him, only further spurred on by Tubbos confused ‘what’s?’. “N-nothing Tubs, you're just on speaker and Wilbur was surprised to hear you that’s all.”

“ _ Woah, why’s Wil there? Did something happen? _ ”

“Nope! Wilby decided he needed to shower me in gifts because I am just so fucking awesome.” Wilbur didn’t say anything, just rolled his eyes and went back to his important makeup work. “He would say hi, but he’s rather focused on looking through all the snacks he bought.”

“ _ Wait, wait, wait, that still doesn’t answer my question! Why is Wilbur there and why wasn’t I invited?! _ ” Tubbo exclaimed, but Clementine could hear the teasing tone.

“He invited himself, you could just show up on my doorstep and you’d be let in, mum never quits asking about you.” This time Tubbo’s explosive laughter filled the room, Clem’s phone speaker crackling slightly at the sudden loud noise.

“ _ Sure, sure, but it would be a surprise! I wouldn’t tell you! _ ” She heard shuffling on the other side of the phone, “ _ Anyway! You’re feeling better right, I’m gonna be streaming soon if you wanna play something?” _

“Ahh, ‘bout that Big T, actually why I’m calling! I won’t be streaming today or tomorrow, I’m fucking exhausted,but I have some news,said news being the reason Wilby’s here!”

“ _ Oh, ooh, should I try and guess Tommy? No, I doubt I’d get it, but still I am glad you will finally relax and take care of yourself! _ ” 

“Yup, yup,takin’ care of myself, sleeping, extra soda, face masks, the works-”

“Should I have gotten face masks then?” Wilbur suddenly cuts her off, finally deciding to speak, worry evident in his tone causes Clementine to shake her head and Tubbo to double down in laughter and scream a greeting to the older boy.

“NO! You already got enough stuff, it was just a joke! Now let me tell Tubso the news will ya, ya prick,” Wil rolled his eyes but nodded and smiled encouragingly, “Anyway, the news, alright, Tubbo I am no longer a big man, in fact I never was!”

“ _ What does that mean? _ ”

“Means you’re talking to the biggest and most awesome woman in the whole world, right behind the queen!”

“ _ Woah! Really!? And what’s the biggest, most awesome woman's name? _ ” Clem was happy he was following along with a light hearted tone.

“Clementine! That’s correct Tubbo, you are now officially friends with an actual woman!”

Tubbo laughed again, “ _ And your pronouns? She/her? Oh, and only in private, right, not on stream or anything?” _

“Correct! She/her pronouns and only in private, I’ll post on the discord so everyone on the server knows and stuff, Phil knows, and so does Wil, obviously.” Clementine felt like she was about to burst, god, what did she do to deserve such awesome fucking friends?

“ _ Amazing! I’m gonna get ready for my stream! We can call later, alright? Goodbye, Clementine!” _ He hung up before Clem could say anything

“So,Wilby, huh? Can’t believe you actually call me that,” 

“Fuck off, you massive dick!” 

-

“Do you even know anything about make-up? I doubt Niki talks about it to you,” Now Clementine wasn’t wrong, but Wilbur wanted to help her. Staring at the colorful lipsticks and eye palettes was a bit intimidating. “I’ve watched some videos, and stole some of my mum’s stuff, I know the basics, not that I'm good at it or anything.”

“Alright, just, I dunno, want to do my makeup? Just as practice,” Wil wasn’t honestly the most thrilled at the idea of letting Clementine have sharp things and pokey sticks near his eyes, but Clem still had both her eyes, no she couldn’t be  _ that _ bad.

Hopefully.

“Woah! Really? You’re not a total dick all the time!” Clementine grabbed a tube of concealer and one of those colorful sponge things and began to work on Wilbur’s face.

  
  


-

In the middle of putting blush on WIlbur’s cheeks, Clem got a text from her mom asking if she wanted some dresses and femenine clothes, to which her mom got an enthusiastic ‘yes’. 

“I’m not all that bad at this, though I used too much blush, your like a fucking care bear!” 

“Well, not like anyone else other than your mum is gonna see this, doesn’t matter if your a shit makeup artist or not,” 

With an offended gasp Clementine continued on with his makeup, grumbling at him when he needed to sit still or turn his head, and if red lipstick somehow made its way to Wil’s teeth, Clem would deny everything.

When it was finally finished, Wilbur bullied her into doing her own makeup as he took shitty selfies of himself. “It’s better than I thought it would be, and I only feared for my eyes like three times.”

“Oh, shut up. I do your makeup, make you look all nice and pretty and all you do is complain.” Clementine huffed, blending eyeshadow, “If you were that worried about your eyes,I definitely would’ve stabbed ‘em when you wouldn’t stop fucking moving.”

Wilbur laughed loudly as he sent one of his selfies to Clementine and another to Niki. “By the way, do you want me to be the one to tell the server? Or do you wanna do it?”

Ugh, back to serious talk, this sucked, why couldn’t everyone just know Clementine was, well Clementine. She paused in her work and glanced and Wilbur for a moment before going back to trying, and mostly failing at, doing her eyeliner.”If you don’t mind, could you please tell them?”

All she got was a small hum in response and smiled. As she finished up her makeup, her mind was filled with the fact that she quite possibly had the coolest friends and family ever.

“I love you Wilby, and thank you, for everything.”

“Of course, anything for my little sister.”

Yeah, she definitely had the coolest family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aahh, we have reached the end of the story :] , this was inspired by all the other trans fem tommy fics, and would definitely tell you to go read them as well , i have some ideas for more fics like this , but im also open to doing like requests and stuff :]
> 
> wif luv , zada


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